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 |  Subject: How to Prevent Fighting In Your Marriage From Ruining Your Relationship  Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:03 pm | |
| Are you and your spouse fighting a lot these days? Whatever you and your spouse are fighting about, you both just can't see eye to eye. You may see a lot of advice from relationship "gurus" online telling you what you can do to prevent fighting but I'm only going to tell you one thing you can do to prevent nasty arguments from breaking out in your marriage. And this little piece of advice is the root to dealing with arguments in a better and more constructive way.
First things first, why do arguments happen? Arguments happen when two people with different views try to convince each other that they're right. In a marriage (or any other relationship), having a disagreement with your spouse is inevitable. You are your own person with your own set of ideas, thoughts, feelings and emotions (just like your spouse).
However, having a heated discussion with your spouse does not have to turn into a screaming-hair-pulling-tug-of-war-full-blown-argument. Whether you and your spouse have small or escalated fights, the point of an argument is for both of you to be able to express your emotions and thoughts in a healthy way without compromising your relationship.
Successful arguments isn't when you win, it's when you and spouse both still feel respected and both win. Sometimes there isn't a solution to an argument, that's when you and your spouse have to agree to differ. This is where I mention my one and only tip to fights in a marriage.
Acceptance
Acceptance is more than loving your spouse for who they are. Acceptance is when you allow what ever life throws at you to be okay. The more you resist what happens, the more you add pain and suffering to your situation. This does not mean that you can't feel mad or sad at what happened... just take a deep breath and allow what happen to be as is.
When your spouse says or does something, you can express your emotion in a clear and healthy way without letting those feelings fester. When you tell your spouse how you feel, always tell it using "I" statements rather than "You" statements because it can not be argued and least likely to evoke a fight. Accepting that your partner has their own sets of feelings, emotions and opinions will immensely help you share humanity with your significant other.
When you remember that your spouse has their own opinions and has the right to express their emotions, you're less likely to fight to win. Surprisingly, there are a lot of people out there who fight to win and this just causes a vicious cycle of arguments because it leaves their spouse feeling extra vulnerable and more likely to want to instigate another argument so they can win. Like I said, a vicious cycle of nasty arguments that don't have a solution to the problem and only deteriorates the relationship.
Negative and toxic emotions weakens a relationship because you're most likely to take out your feelings on your spouse unless you don't find your own way to diffuse your ticking time-bomb bag of emotions.
People fight. They fight for so many reasons. If you and your spouse can fight resourcefully, where as the argument ends with a solution and each person still feels respected--than your marriage can be saved
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