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|Subject: Determining Why You Act the Way You Do in Relationships Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:27 am|| |
If you've ever wondered why you act the way you do when you're in a relationship, or wondered at the logic behind the actions of a partner, child or parent, you're not alone. Sometimes we act in ways that are very unlike our personalities, and this seems to happen more, and more dramatically, the closer the relationship is. We feel more at ease with people we're close to, and therefore our emotions are much closer to the surface.
Believe it or not, even though you're influenced to a point by outside events, you act the way you do at any given time mostly because of three things. Our inner dialog, the position of our bodies and our focus determine our behavior much more than outside events.
Here we'll discuss inner dialog. This consists of individual beliefs, the tone of voice you're using on yourself and a few other factors with have nothing to do with anybody or anything but yourself.
These beliefs can go by many different names, but they all have one thing in common. They tell us that in a certain situation; we must feel or act in a certain way. Most of these are learned in early childhood, through watching our parents and other faults. Others are learned as we grow up and realize the general attitude and structure of society.
Unfortunately, these beliefs often keep us from achieving what we really want. A good example is the commonly held belief that money represents success. This belief keeps many people from begin happy at a fulfilling job that doesn't pay very well. As long as a person's bills are paid, if they enjoy their job they should feel like a success. However, society has conditioned us to see a prestigious college degree and a high-paying job as true success, when in reality, it's very possible to have these things and be very unhappy.
If we hold limiting beliefs like this about relationships, you can easily see how such beliefs influence why you act the way you do. If we feel limited in the relationship, we'll soon feel trapped. Once we feel trapped, we'll act as such, lashing out at inappropriate times.
A very honest mental inventory, identifying and getting rid of any limiting beliefs, is a must for a happy life and a happy relationship.
Replacing Limiting Beliefs
Once you've identified limiting beliefs which are causing you to act the way you do, you've taken the first step. The next one is even easier! Take those limiting beliefs and flip them around, making them positive and open-ended beliefs. For example, if you believe that behaving badly makes you an inherently bad person who deserves punishment, change that belief. Tell yourself, repeatedly if necessary, that mistakes happen to everybody, and they don't make you a bad person. Forgive yourself as you would forgive others.
You can see how our own beliefs make a huge difference as to how to behave in relationships. Now that you see why you act the way you do, you can take the steps to change what you don't' like, giving yourself much more freedom and happiness.