Posts : 2543
Points : 5008
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Join date : 2011-05-23
Age : 26
Location : Lubao, Pampanga
|Subject: My Untold Love Story Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:03 am|| |
It all seems like a dream or maybe I should say ‘an accident’. Many times I have even wondered why things happened to me in a different un-understandable way. It all started when we girls in the hostel were talking about things that happened in our classes that day. One of my friends said that a guy in her class was pronouncing the language peculiarly as he was from another state. We were all laughing when she imitated that boy. So I asked what his name was. She replied “Joey” (name changed). When I heard that name, it was like a ‘shock’ because I have always loved that name but never met a person with that name till then. So I wanted to know who he was. From that day on, all my friends started teasing me with him. But it was never like I was in love or something. In fact, I had never even met him. But everyday, this continued. Deep within my heart, I had developed some kinda crazy feeling for him. It all started with a name.
I couldn’t meet him until nearly the end of that semester when my friend pointed him out to me. But I only had a glimpse. In my second semester, I took one of my friends along to his class where my other friends were also studied. But every time, I would miss him. I also had fear to do this so things got missed. This continued on and on till that semester but I never got a chance to meet him.
My friends were ready to help me in this. It was all as if I was deep in love with him. But no! I was a girl who did not like this kinda things because of tradition and family. I never encouraged ‘falling in love’. But now I developed a strong craze for him, like a kinda ‘crush’. No one or nothing seemed important to me. By then, I started seeing him in the ‘Internet lab’. I had been going to that lab ever since my second semester but never once had seen him there. By the way, he was a hosteler too. But later in my second-third semesters, I used to see him in the lab. When we crossed each other, he used to see me too. When that happens, my heart would beat fast wildly. I did not dare look at him. Then he began coming in the time when I used to come to the lab.
In the lab, I used to access my social network. Once I asked a friend who was a friend of him, if she could get me his social network user name. She did that for me. So one day I started searching for him on the network. Since I was feeling kinda weird, I turned back-only to find him looking at me and my monitor from his seat. Great heavens! I did not know what to do but to close the window and act as if I did not know him. Thank God, he was at a distance so he could not have seen me searching for him
This continued. In our college, they ban sites of social networking. For a few days, I did not go to the lab. Then, one day, I opened my social network page and got a ‘big shock’.
‘Friend Request’ from ***!
OMG! Hurriedly I went through his profile to find that he had given the request a day before his birthday! That was 2 days ago. My heart felt no bounds in great loss. If only I had checked my status daily! I quickly accepted his request allowing him to chat with me which I do not do for others.
You know..there is something called ‘fate’. It played in my life at this wonderful point when I was going to post my wishes for him. The administration banned social networks in our college. So when I clicked on his profile, I got the error message. I felt as if something just pierced my heart into many pieces. I could feel pain, tears started filling my eyes. I felt so depressed because I had no courage in talking to him in person. I was happy because I found a means to stay connected with him. Now? It was all gone!
But my joy was still within me because I could chat with him if not contact him on the social network. So that day, when I told my friends about this, they all shouted from the center of the hostel ground where we were celebrating hostel day. Oh God! I was too embarrassed as this was going like as if he proposed. He had only given a friend request! So this became known to many girls.
Since I couldn’t access my social network, I would have other works to do in the lab. I could not find him in the lab for many days. I was so disappointed. It turned as if I was going to the lab only for his sake. But till now, I thought I was only looking forward to his friendship. But none of my friends accepted this. They said,’No one would be this crazy for a mere friendship.’ I did not believe that I was in love or something.
One day, when I was checking my mail in the lab, I found him on my online friends chat list. I became nervous so that I could eventually hear my heart beat and feel the sweat. I got up and looked around in the lab as to where he was sitting. And then I found him. But I was too scared to say ‘hello’.
What if he does not respond or what if he thinks
something wrong about me?
So I dropped. He was too busy with his project. So I immediately left the lab and ran to my friend in hostel. She opened her laptop and said maybe you could chat from here. ‘Say hi’ she said. So we tried connecting to the Internet through the college wi-fi. It was ‘fates’ again! I could not get the signal. Also from our place, we could see people through the window. The lab and hostel building were very near. So I was even looking for him to know if he left the lab. For a long time, ‘No’.
As days passed by, I even lost hope. But my heart never let him out. Once after many days, my friend and I were coming out in the corridor after meeting up our staff. The corridor was silent. Only we both were walking by. When I turned straight, my heart pounded fast. There he was! looking straight at me. His friend was pulling him by the hand. I could hear him saying,” who is that girl? Is she the one?” His friend was saying ‘yes’. I could see the kinda smile on his face and his eyes fixed on me. For one long minute I forgot where I was or what I was doing. When we finally climbed down the stairs, I held onto my friend tight and I was controlling my emotions. Oh God! What is that supposed to be? Why did he say those words? Many more thoughts ran in my mind. I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
This was where things turned in my life. From that moment, I found him strange. When his class was doing a project, I finally took courage to send an email regarding his project. I got no reply. I waited for many days. I comforted my heart saying,’I haven’t found him in lab for many days. Maybe he did not check his email.’
Then whenever he saw me in college, he would act strange. His look would make me uncomfortable. His friends would shout something whenever I crossed. His behaviors were totally strange and this troubled me a lot. Unable to bear it any longer and since I didn’t even get a reply for my email, I just blocked him in chat.
Things ended up there. I started developing a kinda hate for him. I never talked about him. I did not want my friends to talk about him to me. I controlled my emotions which I once had for him. But inspite of all these, I still loved to see him. I would long to see him.
Unable to bear, I started telling my guy-friend about him. Things got too much messed up. I was determined to forget him thinking he was so much of a ‘bad charactered’ guy. When stuffs went on like this, he wouldn’t even look at me whenever we crossed in college. Whenever he saw me, he would immediately take his eyes off me. Though I wanted to leave him, I couldn’t do it completely. My heart would always long for him.
Maybe I should have taken courage to allow my friends do something for me. But I did not want him to know about me that I was crazy on him. Maybe he got to know somehow about me. This I’m telling because of His attitude.
On my final year, final semester, during the examinations, I remembered each moment I craved for him. I started getting his memories. Four years, I was studying in this college, but I couldn’t get to speak one single word to him. Neither did I permit my friends make things for me. If I had said one word to my friends, things would have gone beautiful between us (he and I). But no! I did not want that to happen. I did not know why. Maybe because of my parents, because of God. I was sent to study. Let me do that. More than that, I do not have any courage. With all his activities, I figured out very clearly that he came to know about me. When that happened, I started running away from him.
In my last days in the college, I shed tears..tears full of love and emotions for him.
On the last day, last moment of my college life there, I was walking with my friend. One of my guy friends wanted to tell him how I felt for him. But I pleaded him not to utter a word as I wanted to go happy and forget about the past.
As my friend and I were walking towards the hostel, there he was! My heart was smashed to a terrible pain. He was standing with a junior boy. His eyes were fixed on me without movement. I looked at him for a second and then continued on my way.
‘You are my untold love!’