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 Keys to Reconciliation

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PostSubject: Keys to Reconciliation   Keys to Reconciliation Icon_minitimeFri Sep 02, 2011 11:55 am

The first thing that you must do is to divorce your mind of all hostility. Hostility in your mind will come through in your conversation, attitude, and demeanor even if you try to hide it. The best way to handle this is to just divorce your mind of all negative thoughts about the person that you want to reconcile with, even if you feel that they are justified. Find good qualities in that person and focus on them. If it takes you a while to clear your mind then take all of the time that you need. We all have good and bad points. Just remember that you have your bad points also.

The person whom you are attempting to reconcile with may have negative thoughts and emotions for quite a while. You need to learn to expect this and work around it. You will have to be patient and understanding. Your patience will quench the fire of their anger over a period of time. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. This is not the issue in reconciliation and it would be a mistake to focus on this. You may want to eventually broach the situation by making a statement like: Tell me what I need to do or change for you and I will try to do it. Now if the response that you get is unreasonable you may want to let the subject drop and broach it again at a later date. Don’t even ask this question if you are not totally committed to reconciling. After you friend or mate has let you know you can pick up the ball and ask them if they would be willing to change for you. You must have demonstrated your commitment by working hard on the relationship during the time lapse between your initial attempts to make it right and the present.

This is the time that you will truly find out if your friend sees the relationship as important. Any person who is serious will begin to work with you at this point in time. Allow the person some space in making their decision and don’t push to get your way.

A permanent reconciliation requires a permanent change. Remember that there are still triggers which remain which caused the problem in the first place. You must learn to identify them and neutralize them. For example, if the problem was that one of you was not fiscally responsible then that is the problem which needs to be avoided. The mechanism which you use to do this should be known and agreed upon by both parties.

Don’t be afraid to admit your shortcomings. Nine times out of ten this is the biggest roadblock to reconciliation. We must admit our problems before they can be dealt with. If we are not willing to face up to the facts we will never be able to solve our relationship problems. You can’t change if you won’t admit that you need to change. Neither will your friend.

Every bad situation has a trigger. When you feel that you are being pushed towards that point you must recognize the trigger and choose to overcome it. That may mean choosing not to become angry, upset, or depressed. The battle is in your mind.
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