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Join date : 2011-05-23
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|Subject: Make long distance relationships work Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:20 am|| |
Most people seem to be seeking casual relationships now. For anyone seeking a serious, committed relationship it makes it harder to find someone who delivers that. Make long distance relationships work or leave them alone. This is how to make long distance relationships work.
There are two types of long distance relationship. There is the casual one where you play it by ear and see how you feel tomorrow, where you or the other person can see other people if you want and are not weeping into your pillows inbetween meets, and there is the very seriouThere is no such thing as a perfect relationship, even when you think you know that two people are very happy together there will be something not quite right that maybe you do not know about.
People are less likely to commit to a relationship now. This is fine if you want that too but for those who want one where both are totally committed and take it very seriously and have no interest in meeting others and want to be together every possible second.The problem with these relationships is when you both want different things. If you want a serious full on thing and the other person only want a casual play it by ear thing then really you are better off just walking away. Either they will tell you what you want to hear and promise you they can change, which they are saying just to keep you interested, or there are other things in their life that are obstacles and commitments that stop them from doing that.
My advice is to make sure that you choose the right person! If you want someone who is a certain type and shares your hobbies and makes you laugh then do not make do with someone who cannot deliver that. Remember that you will not be spending such a lot of time with them that you must have quality if you do not have quantity.
The main thing to look for is are they trying to rush you into a commitment? If they are working away and they love the idea that you wear an engagement ring to show you belong to them, while they go off and have fun elsewhere inbetween seeing you, no thanks. If it is their choice to be away from you, they chose their job or whatever over being with you properly, beware. If they were already in that situation before they met you and wish they had not made those commitments and are seeking to change things that is different, then meet them half way.
Do not romanticise this whole concept of it being long distance. Yes it can be quite sweet to wait for a text or call or visit and remember how passionate it was last time, but perhaps it also means that they forget about you while away or cheat on you or are not the commiting type. Some use it as an excuse to do what they want when they want and then when you want to get hold of them to have a serious talk they are always too busy. If you put your partner on a pedestal and over look their faults because you are lonely or feel somehow that you must continue with things then one day you will probably regret it.
Never have a long distance relationship with someone where you cannot know their address, phone number etc and check out that they are authentic. If they expect to come to yours and phone you but they always use a mobile and you can never go to theirs either they are wanting it all to suit them or they are leading a double life. Either way you are being deceived and/or they are putting in a lot less than you and will then be hurting less than you if things go wrong, which they probably will.
Never commit to someone, especially with something like being engaged, unless you are sure you know everything about them. I have known cases of women becoming committed to a guy who promises they he adores them, only to find out after that he is married to someone else and pretends to his wife that he is travelling on business when he meets them. He then has a lot of fun and the best of both worlds and they have tears and problems.
You can have dozens of friends but usually you have one lover or spouse. You owe it to yourself to be selective about who that partner or spouse is. If you are in a long distance relationship with your soul mate, someone who is perfect for you then that is wonderful, but if you are going to content with all of the problems of a long distance relationship to see someone who hurts you and lets you down and rarely if ever makes you happy then surely there is no point?
Once you are sure that a long distance relationship is right for you and you have got into one this is how to make it work...
Have an agreement as to how the relationship will work. Will it be a case of them meeting up with you once a month, less, more? How long for? Will they come to you or will you take turns to travel? How often will you contact each other? Who contacts who? Whatever these variables are never enter into a relationship if you are insecure, possessive and wanting to know the other person's every move. If it turns out that they are like this with you then have a rethink. When you do meet up have fun and catch up on things, do not waste time on asking each other what they did the day before or why they were out when you tried to text them the other day. One of the joys of having a long distance relationship should be that
you have the good bits without the mundane boring bits that people in day to day relationships have. If you are both equally committed, keen and compatible then it has more chance of working out than many normal relationships.
Make long distance relationships work is easy if you use your head. The thing is that it is usually women who get upset over relationship issues and it is often because they get swept off their feet and latch onto a guy who is not being honest or not very grown up. An immature guy often makes all sorts of promises and then changes his mind later, it is not that he is a liar, it is just that he does not think things through.
In many ways long distance relationships are best for those who have a very full life so that they do not have a chance to sit around and mope or get upset when they cannot be with their beloved. When the relationship is part of your life rather than all of it this helps a lot.