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Join date : 2011-05-23
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|Subject: Find a perfect man Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:18 am|| |
Most women long to find a perfect man and those who have a man are unlikely to be able to claim he is perfect. Either he has a fault or the excitement has gone out of the relationship. The perfect man has no faults and never becomes boring. How to find your perfect man will depend very much on you. Each woman has a different idea of what her perfect man would be like and what would be ideal for one might sound horrific to another. This is why, thankfully, the World is populated with millions of people of all different shapes, sizes, ages and types. Some women swoon at a man who is handsome with a perfect physique, others are drawn to men who need mothering, others to a man who is confident, sparkly and bright. Luckily each man has a different idea of what his perfect woman is like. One might be drawn to a stick insect while another prefers a cuddly woman and another does not care about looks at all. This is how you find a perfect man...
To find the right person for you, someone who will make you happy in the short and the long term, you need to make a list of all the things you have to offer a man and all the things you seek in a man and see where they marry up.
During my many years of working as a relationship expert I would often come across women who were single and longing to meet a suitable partner but who never found him because they had unrealistic expectations. Expectations where if they had put themselves in the man's position for a minute they would have seen that the man would not be interested..... i.e. a very poor woman expecting to get a very rich man, a very old woman expecting to get a very good looking man. The idea is great but it does not work. You will not get your ideal man if you dream and fantasise about what is basically giving a little and asking for a lot. When you make your list note your qualities and also your weaknesses.
When you make your list include deal breakers and deal makers. Your deal breakers may be that you cannot stand a man who is a heavy drinkers, so make a note to yourself to stay away from such men regardless of anything else they may be able to offer. Most women will say they will not date a married man, so if they come across a married man there is no point in them finding out whether or not he enjoys the same hobbies or likes children. Put the most important things at the top of the list, the deal breakers, such as if the man is married, and only work your way down through the less important things if you can successfully tick that off.
One thing I noticed about a lot of the women I spoke to in my office was that many of them would find a guy on a dating site, see his photo, find out he lives quite near and then arrange to meet him. Then a few days later they may meet him or be in contact again. Weeks later they would say they have no wish to speak to him again because they found out he is unemployed or homeless or has just come out of prison. Fine, good decision, but they could have asked him about those things before meeting and saved time on pointless meets.If you have children and it is important to you that your man loves children too then do not meet every guy who asks you to meet and then find out which ones like children, suss them out on this deal breaker before and probably instead of meeting.
Then ask yourself where such a man would spend his spare time. If you love reading and would love to be with a man who spends a lot of time reading then you may find him in a library or a bookshop but he is unlikely to be in a busy bar or nightclub. A sporty woman who loves racing around and swimming would probably not be very interested in a man who reads a lot of books.
The things that most women would agree are important is that the man is honest and faithful, these are things you cannot ask the guy. They may tell you they are but it does not guarantee they are right or being honest about it. If the man is married or separated and insisting he is decent, honest and loyal then ask yourself why his marriage went wrong. Was it because he was playing around? If his wife was the one who decided to end the relationship it may be because he has a terrible fault which is a deal breaker to you too, so ask him why the relationship ended BEFORE you waste six months dating him.
When you know what your idea of a perfect man is then stick to it. If one of your deal breakers is that the man is older than you do not let a younger man persuade you to change your mind. You will only regret it later. It is better to stay single and wait till you find that special someone rather than make do just because it suits someone else. With millions of people on the planet you should not have to compromise at all, so long as you are being realistic.
Be especially wary of men who might be alcoholics, drug users, violent, gamblers. Men have certain things they should watch out for when choosing a female mate, but these traits are more likely to be found in men.
Totally ignore anything that loved ones say to you about a new man you meet. Unless they have a very good reason for saying. If they are trying to warn you against someone who has huge faults, such a man with a history of going in and out of prison, then you should walk away and they are right. If they are simply jealous because you are now spending a lot more time with him than you were with them or they are saying that he is not THEIR type then ignore it. They cannot choose your perfect man for you just as you cannot choose theirs.
The other quality you need is patience. Patience means that you do not latch on to anyone who comes along when you are feeling lonely or vulnerable and do not commit yourself to anyone until you are sure they are the one.