Posts : 2543
Points : 5008
Reputation : 1287
Join date : 2011-05-23
Age : 25
Location : Lubao, Pampanga
|Subject: Cementing the Bond with True Commitment Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:39 pm|| |
In the West, we tend to see view our commitments with dread. Sometimes, we actually create loopholes in order to get out of them. I once heard someone say, “They are called Commitments, not conveniences.” What a way to reshift one’s flaky tendencies!
We have so many choices in this time and space. It can be overwhelming and also feed the “grass is greener” neurosis. The overload of information we have can cause a paralysis of choice or movement. And is an all too convenient excuse to leave something that isn’t giving us pleasure in the moment.
I believe that we are here to work it out with one another. It is not always easy, but we all know the great rewards that come from seeing a challenge through to resolution. In the moment of challenge, our instinctual selves (or lizard brain) will tell us to run at all costs. It can even convince us that we may be in a life-threatening situation. The lizard brain keeps us safe but isolated and often stuck in old debilitating patterns.
“Without commitment, there can be no happiness.”
Vj and I have cultivated our Couple’s Unified Values and number one is: Unity and Commitment. We are committed to sticking together, no matter what. We have seen couples that stayed together but in a spirit of bitterness, therefore we added unity. That way, we are committed to also working out whatever arises so that we can be free from resentment and frustration.
Before we went to India, we reaffirmed our commitment to the relationship and harmony. It was very powerful to have that discussion and to have an anchor before we embarked on an uncertain journey.
It served us so well. When I suffered from culture shock or felt inflexible, Vj was able to be neutral as I did what I needed to do to release the pressure inside.
Whenever things seemed out of our control or our comfort zones, we had a unified purpose—to stay connected and support each other—that guided our way.
We committed to serve and protect our relationship. That was very helpful to keep out of insular thinking like, “What about me?” We had the higher purpose of focusing on the third entity, which helped us see a bigger picture and therefore transcend some of the challenges that we faced.
This can be a lifelong practice and there are small and simple tools that we use to make it possible.