Woke up Today

Subject: Woke up Today Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:44 pm

I woke up today and thought I fucking hated myself. Maybe I do. OK. Maybe sometimes I do.

I do stupid things at times, for the sole purpose of releasing my thoughts. Not thinking of others. Sometimes I write. And when I read it back... Words are missing from my thoughts. Were they the most important? Maybe they were just words and I have no skills.

Writing shit is like flipping your cock out to the world and saying... Suck it you bitch. They examine it, some take it well.. Others are confused by your actions. The ones I like are the ones that can deep throat it. Take it for all it's worth; make you feel the need to give them more. Sometimes I just like to blow it all over the place and let someone else clean the mess.

My latest twisted thoughts poured out of me last night. I thought about what the fuck next. I can realize any goal I want. Maybe I sold my soul with out knowing. Sometimes the dice just always come up sevens. Blackjack is my game. Sometimes I play the slots... But you never win there. I would take the time to explain that now. Later it may be revealed.

A random thought as this cursor blinks. No. Yes. Why didn't I buy pot today.

So many god damned people, write their sappy thoughts all over. I get sick on the regurgitated crap. I feel. I love. I want. I realized. I cried. I loved.

I ache.

I write.

I want to take everything in my place and destroy it... no real reason, and I know I won't... cause what happens when I have to flip to CNN for the latest lie? Hmmmm, a political stance he is taking you ask? Nope, just an observation. No one knows. Well I think I met one guy who does. He blames it on the Stone Masons. Look them up.

I just lit a smoke. My lungs ache, but the calm feels nice. I need a reprise maybe. A smoke free day. What pleasure will it bring? Unless pain is pleasure. Not my stance though.

I wondered why I allow myself to be...

To be me.

Too fucking nice maybe? Too fucking cranky? Too Fucking happy? Too full of thoughts? Too fucking fucked.

Then I wonder why spell check finds no errors with the term fucking fucked?

All in all,

Things are ok...

I work for love and love for work.

I eat for love and love to eat.

I fuck for love and love to fuck.

I yearn for love and for love I yearn...

I woke up today, and figured some shit out?

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