Everyone says things they shouldn't... but you
really really shouldn't
say these things while
having sex!
1. But everybody looks
funny naked!
2. You woke me up for
that?
3. Did I mention the video
camera?
4. Do you smell something
burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet)
And they say romance
is dead...
6. Try breathing through
your nose.
7. A little rug burn ever
hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert
Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you
lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream
makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your
first time… right? Person 2: Yeah... today 12. (in the No Tell Motel)
Hurry up! This room
rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me
the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's
turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was
really trying to pick up
your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-
mouth.
19. (Using body paint) Try
not to leave any stains,
okay?
20. Hope you're as good
looking when I'm sober...
21. (Holding a banana) It's
just a little trick I
learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium
movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my
make-up, will ya!
24. (Preparing to use
peanut butter sexually)
But I just steam-
cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my
teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid
Camera!
28. I thought you had the
keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby! 30. So much for the
fulfillment of sexual
fantasies!
31. (in a ménage a trois)
Why am I doing all the
work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr.
Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling
needs painting?
34. I think you have it on
backwards.
35. When is this supposed
to feel good?
36. Put that blender back
in the kitchen where it
belongs!
37. You're good enough to
do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the
headboard?
39. Did I remember to take
my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't
know you from
somewhere?
41. I wish we got the
Playboy channel…
42. That leak better be
from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't
work without batteries!
44. But my cat always
sleeps on that pillow… 45. Did I tell you my Aunt
Martha died in this
bed?
46. If you quit smoking you
might have more
endurance…
47. No, really... I do this
part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed
with a woman I don't
have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun
with a few more
people…
50. You're almost as good
as my ex!
51. Do you know the
definition of statutory
rape?
52. Is that you I smell or is
it your mattress
stuffed with rotten
potatoes?
53. You look younger than
you feel.
54. Perhaps you're just out
of practice.
55. You sweat more than a
galloping stallion! 56. They're not cracker
crumbs, it's just a rash.
57. Now I know why he/she
dumped you...
58. Does your husband own
a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to
conclude that foreplay
is overrated.
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever
considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't
even have to buy you
dinner!
63. What are you planning
to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I
would have taken a
duck home!
66. Are those real or am I
just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance
repressed as a child? 68. Is that a hanging
sculpture?
69. You'll still vote for me,
won't you?
70. Did I mention my
transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who
actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm
fantasizing about if you
tell me who you're
fantasizing about...
74. A good plastic surgeon
can take care of that
in no time!
75. Does this count as a
date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a
show about men like
you!
77. Hic! I need another beer
for this please.
78. I think biting is
romantic- don't you? 79. Q: You can cook, too
right? A: (Whaddaya
think I'm doin'?)
80. When would you like to
meet my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would
help if I thought about
someone I really like...
woman: myself?
82. Have you seen "Fatal
Attraction"?
83. Sorry about the
nametags, I'm not very
good with names.
84. Don't mind me... I always
file my nails in bed.
85. (In a phone booth) Do
you mind if I make a
few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to
turn the gas oven off.
Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's
really friendly for a
Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don't do
toes!
89. You could at least ACT
like you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no
petroleum jelly, I said
NO!
91. Keep it down, my
mother is a light
sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I
work for "The Enquirer".
93. So that's why they call
you MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to
do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too? 96. I've slept with more
women than Wilt
Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to
be my friend's turn? 98. Long kisses clog
my
sinuses...
99. Please understand that
I'm only doing this for a
raise...
100. How long do you plan to
be "almost there"? 101. You mean you're NOT
my blind date?
Subject: 101 Things Not to Say During Sex 
Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:57 pm
